The Sixties Club Scene

An Affectionate Look At the Best London Clubs of The Sixties!
As a departure from the various singles I have been writing about, I asked Mark Simons, formerly of The Quiet, to tell me about some of the best clubs he remembers from the Swinging Sixties.

JUPITER'S CRATER
Old Sluice Street, Camden Town
"I remember the Crater. Mad place. The first big night, called 'Melting Flower', everyone in London was there. Literally everyone. On the bill were Church Gathering, Tiny Universe, Furious Melon and His Majesty's Royal Artillery. I asked the manager if our band could play but he was quite rude. I sneaked in through a window. It was amazing. Some guy from the Royal College of Art was mixing oil with various paints in front of a gas lamp to create this amazing light show.

"It was about quarter to twelve when the explosion happened. Gas light was maybe not the best medium for a light show. I remember everyone running for the exits, kaftans smouldering. They closed it down after one night and it became a refuge for the homeless. I've slept there a few times".


THE TRADESMAN'S
Berwick Street, Soho
"The Trademan's was above a tailor's shop owned by Sidney Tuft who made suits for all the bands on the Beat scene in the early sixties: The Jumpnuts, The Beatjacks, The Silent Sound...
It was the busiest club in London - when Cheeky Charles wasn't on the door.

It was a big hangout for the managers. Any musician looking for management had to go up The Tradesman's. The inside was done out like a circus, with a stuffed leopard in a cage and the waitresses dressed like clowns. I woke up in the doorway once, covered in all sorts of mess".

THE MURKY TAVERN
Stump Passage, Waterloo
"This was the place to be if you were a Mod. I think I first realised I had a problem with drugs when I woke up naked and painted purple in The Murky Tavern".

EL MOSCO ROJO
Carcass Mews, W1
"This was a Spanish bar. The owner managed Pink Flamenco, a gay Spanish pop group.
The Rock aristocracy hung out at El Mosco Rojo. I don't know, I never got in. I was spending most of my time shouting at cars by then, anyway. The owner had very eclectic taste in music: folk, psychedelic, modern jazz so you'd get Fingal's Cave on there a lot. They were bloody awful. Apparently".

THE STINKY MULE
Old Fellow's Lane, Brentford, Middlesex
"More drugs came out of there than the Beyer factory up the road. Leapers, bennies, purple hearts, yorkshire puddings, penny whistles, jumping beans...The bands? Who cares? I still itch thinking about the day it closed down and the drugs ran out. I think it was probably around that time that I became addicted to strong alcohol".

Kathy Byron & The Masked Women

Kathy Byron & The Masked Women
‘Whip Me Again And Again’ c/w ‘Dog Hearts’
Released 19th March 1965. HMV POP 8957.
Kathy Byron (vcls, ocarina)

When ‘Whip Me Again And Again’ was released in early 1965, it caused a sensation.

Sixteen year old Kathy Byron (real name: Catherine Bywater) and her backing dancers Ingegard Torkelinson, Kjerstin Zettesberg and Ragnild Gulbrandsen made a memorable and shocking appearance on ‘Brian’s Youth Club Jive’, a Sunday evening programme aimed at Christian teenagers.

The very next day, the single reached number nineteen in the pop charts and stayed there for over three months.

"It was my idea, actually" claims Ned Singleton, a former in-house producer at EMI. "Kathy had this rather butch look going for her – tight black leather, cuffs, chains, tungsten skillets and all the rest. And The Masked Women helped, of course".

Kathy’s backing dancers, The Masked Women, were a trio of Swedish typists that Singleton had picked up while on holiday in Oslo. All rather voluptuous women in their thirties, they usually gyrated in the Thai style behind Byron herself. "This", claims Singleton, "was the icing on the cake for Sunday TV viewers, but in a bad way. It was bad icing. Filthy icing whipped with a spoon of mental imbalance and sugared with decadence. Kathy was tied to a wheelbarrow – don’t ask me why – while The Masked Women threw fruit at her. Melons, peaches, even some loganberries, which were quite hard to come by in those days. She had a fantastic voice – schoolgirly and coy, if you get my filthy drift".

Incredibly, her record company paid for an album to be made, the stunning ‘Soft Japanese Ropes/Hard Japanese Discipline’. Although deleted after six days due to public unrest, it remains a work of stunning, bizarre eroticism and copies have exchanged hands on eBay for £39.99, not including postage.

Kathy herself disappeared soon after the album’s release and was never heard from again.

"I have no idea what happened to her", Says Singleton. "She seemed to disappear into thin air, though I spent many happy years in a ménage-a-quatre with The Masked Women until my first heart attack. I suppose I could have looked her up in the telephone directory, but to be honest, I just couldn’t be bothered. Besides, she may have got married and changed her name. Or maybe she just didn’t have a phone. Or maybe she did have a phone but was ex-directory. Or maybe she lives abroad and looking her up in the UK would have been a waste of time. Or maybe that wasn’t her real name in the first place. Maybe she’d be out shopping when I rang or something. Or she just didn’t feel like answering the phone that day. Perhaps the phone was broken. Who knows?"

For fans of these things, the backing on ‘Whip Me Again And Again’ was by The Teenage Babies, just before they split up, although their Theremin player, Creamy Taylor, was absent from the session.

The Meadows

The Meadows

'Go Away' c/w 'I Just wasn't Born To Eat Whelks'

Released 14th June 1968

BER Recordings BER 78001
Marc Spendel (Vocals, Bass, Keyboards), Sean Spendel (Vocals, Guitar), Joe Spendel (Vocals, Drums), Dave Needle (Vocals), Mike Huff (Vocals)

It was like something out of a novel: three brothers, all gifted vocalists and musicians, growing up in a rural idyll near the Northumbrian fishing and surfing village of Dunstanburgh, and who went on to record their first single before eldest brother Marc was eighteen.

"We grew up with music all around", says youngest brother Joe Spendel. "My father, Colonel Harford Spendel, made sure we all had lessons. I suspect this was because he wanted us to play his half-baked songs".

Many a long winter's night passed with the Spendel boys harmonising over their father's compositions by a roaring log fire. 'Molly Polly Waltz', 'There's No Love Left In The Fridge', 'Routemaster Bus Melody', 'I've Never Met A German That I Liked' or 'A Lungful of Laura' would ring out across the green fields in perfect harmony. For hours.

"I think that sowed the seeds of Marc's madness", says younger brother Joe.

Marc and Joe conspired to get a tape of their own songs to Gerald Putney at BER. "We called ourselves The Meadow Lads. We hooked up with a local guy called Dave Needle and a shepherd, Mike Huff. Dave was a really great singer, though that wasn't why we were initially drawn to him. He had drugs. Mike Huff? He was a tall Scottish git."

Gerald Putney was quick to spot their potential. "Five young boys singing sweet harmonies? How could I resist?" After Putney cunningly shortened their name to The Meadows -"It sounded like The Shadows, but rural" - they recorded their first single 'Go Away' (b/w 'I Just Wasn't Born To Eat Whelks'). It was considered a work of total plagiarism.

"Marc worshipped Brian Wilson of The Beach Boys but it was all too obvious", says Joe Spendel. "He copied everything Brian did...badly".

Marc gradually descended into a psychological fugue caused by his drug intake and Brian Wilson obsession. "Marc heard that Brian had got friends to make music on kitchen objects. So Marc had to try that. We recorded an entire album of songs using garden implements. I was on baritone hoe. It wasn't a success".

After Gerald Putney rejected 'Garden Sounds', the band rallied around the gibbering Marc Spendel and recorded a more straightforward collection of songs, taking a new folk direction. "We decided the chart scene wasn't for us", explains Joe. "Marc was the one with the pop sensibility but he was, unfortunately, nuts. We fired Mike Huff, who became a follower of the Maharishi Bikram Yoga, and me, Dave and Sean formed The Lampton Worms".

The Lampton's scored with their first album 'A Night On the Tyne' and the single 'Faeries of Dunston'. Joe again: "There was a scary day when Marc turned up unannounced at the studio. He had shaved his head and stuck an egg carton to his scalp. He said it was his God antenna. He offered to write a few songs for us but ended up trying to eat the multi track machine. Dad came and carted him off".

When asked what the legend that is Marc Spendel was doing these days, Joe would say little. "I think he's got a job in the Lloyds Bank Call Centre in Sunderland. God help anyone who's trying to get through..."

The Epping

The Epping

'Lovin' Love, Lover' c/w 'Wearing The Trousers Of Love'

Released 25th September 1967
IMMEDIATE IM 075

Wayne Ongar (Vocals), Hugh Knitter (Guitar), Lol McColl (Drums), Harold Shipman (Bass)

For a few days, or perhaps less, The Epping were at the epicentre of the whirlwind storm vortex of the British Mod Movement of the 1960's.

With their sharp suits from Barnaby Carnaby, trendy scooters and a passion for amphetamines, The Epping looked the part. If only their music had been as dynamic as their look...

Guitarist Hugh Knitter: "We were the smartest group to play The Stinky Mule in Brentford. That was London's top Mod venue and everyone started there - The Small Faces, Fire, Nigel Slater - but we were the sharpest and best looking of them all".

Despite their sartorial magnificence (it was rumoured girls fainted at the sight of their trousers), The Epping ruined any chance of making it big on the UK music scene.

"It was mainly a problem of laundry", recalls drummer Lol McColl. "Dy cleaning, things like that. And we didn't move a lot on stage in case it spoilt the cut of our suits. This meant there was a lot of standing still in The Epping".

Hugh Knitter again: "I'd be up all night after a gig, ironing. I didn't mind too much because I was off my nut on speed but there was always another button-down shirt to starch or pair of silk socks to hand wash. Nightmare. It really ate into our rehearsal time".

With practice sessions cancelled due to lines of washing and an old-fashioned mangle taking up the space, The Epping imploded after a disastrous showcase gig in the West End.

"We were booked into The Tradesman's. All the London music mafia were there: Vic Chambers, Lord Larry Winchester, even Graham Crisps who looked after the Jumpnuts. Everyone thought we looked fantastic. Unfortunately, we 'd neglected to come up with any tunes. We played the one song we knew over and over without moving. The place was empty within fifteen minutes".

That one song, 'Lovin' Love, Lover', was eventually released by Immediate, coupled with a little known soul classic 'Wearing The Trousers of Love' by Jimmy Jinks & the Corbels.

The latter is available on 'Jiggin' In Wigan - Rare Northern Soul Masterpieces'.

Brigitte Stamp

Brigitte Stamp
‘Autumn’s Here To Stay’ c/w ‘Nice To See You’.
Released February 29th 1967.
Columbia DB9783

‘Autumn’s Here To Stay’ is one of those unusual records that sounds like it could have been made yesterday. This is due, in part, to the absence of any conventional pop instruments.

The song’s timeless, autumnal feel is due mainly to the presence of Stamp’s ethereal, heavily echoed vocals, accompanied only by a nose flute played by Bjorn Caine of Mongo Debussy & The Satans. (On the remastered version of the single - available on the CD box set "Paisley, Hair and Chelsea Boots" - you can also make out the sound of Stamp's manager filling in a crossword puzzle).

After a controversial appearance on the religious ITV pop show ‘Thank The Lord For Pop’, during which Stamp was rumoured not to have worn underwear beneath her coal miner's overalls, it looked like her first single would be headed straight for the charts like an arrow fired from a bow. It was not to be.

After presenting an award at the Beat Monthly awards in Birmingham, she was offered a lift home to London by harpsichordist Steve Maguire of Terry Quick’s Baroque ‘n’ Roll. Maguire, who is believed to have taken strong hashish which he shared with the easily-lead young pop starlet, decided to see if he could get all the way home on the wrong side of the M1 motorway wearing cool sunglasses.

The gay laughter of the young pair soon evaporated as Maguire’s psychedelically customised Ford Anglia hit a seventeen ton oil tanker head-on. Brigitte Stamp was caught in the epicentre of the inferno. It was her birthday...

Still, she survived, but the moment was lost. Recuperating in a vat of cold cream, Stamp was unable to fulfill her contractual promotional engagements and was dropped by her label. "It was very sad", says her then manager Gus Loren. "But it was impossible to get a deal for a dolly bird in bandages".

Maguire, incidentally, sued Stamp’s management for £950 to replace his car. The case was settled out of court, apparently to Maguire’s satisfaction.

Perhaps the true story of Brigitte Stamp will never be known, but the lyrics of her charming song still resonate poignantly today.

‘Since you tossed me aside, like a useless little doll,
I wish that I could see the sun today,
But Frodo puts his hand upon my shoulder
And tells me that the autumn’s here to stay.’

Where Did They Go?

An occasional update on bands that I love

THE GRANNY
The Granny were one of the best modern day psychedelic groups. Formed in Eastbourne in 1987, they had a minor hit in '89 with "Dust Flower Candles". But where did they go?

SIMON, VOCALS
Golden-voiced SIMON (“I have no second name; it was stolen from me at birth”) has added many strings to his bow since the heyday of The Granny.

As well as continuing to tour with his mother in SIMON 'N' MUM, Simon enjoys entertaining members of the public outside the Observatory in Slough by slowly scoring the sole of an old shoe with a tile cutter. That's where we caught up with him.

“I’m not grumbling but none of us made anything out of the band”, says Simon. “Apart from Steve. Steve’s weakness was money...for which he would ultimately pay a very considerable price”.

MARTIN MOTHIMAN, GUITAR, KEYBOARDS, VOCALS
Songwriter and Granny mainman Mothiman can these days be found living in a small hut on the dunes at Whitby. Here he spends his days staring at small pieces of burnt driftwood and repairing kilts. In the corner of the hut is a small pile of magpie feathers, damp with urine, which he believes will begin to generate electricity once they ferment.

Mothiman regrets falling out with the other band members but feels he has paid for his crimes. “The driftwood is my constant reminder”, rasped the empty-eyed popster. “I can still feel the flames licking at my boots”.

TIMOTHY BROWN, BASS
Timothy combines his career as a successful retailer of lunchtime snacks with a passion for black magic. “Since the fire I have been experimenting with transmutation”, claims Brown. “And I am determined to become half man-half goat so that I can better serve my master, the Dark Lord Beelzebub”.

BENTLEY JACKSON, VIBES
Vanished. Believed to have sold his vibes to Monty Don.

ROMILLY CIEKA, DRUMS, PERCUSSION
Cieka moved to Newport after a deer-strangling incident. “I have put my anger with wild woodland creatures behind me...though I must avoid all scent of forest dwellers. I saw a deer in the fire before I passed out. It was a vision.

“Since coming out of hospital, I have focussed my mental strength on a business that combines social work with aromatherapy. I use Aveda products, nothing less. It’s all about using chakra and natural perfumes to channel dysfunctionalism”.

STEPHEN KITCHEN, TRUMPET, FLUGELHORN
After splitting from his fellow Grannies Stephen did a couple of sessions for Cattlemachine and played a restored zitherette on Simon's solo single "Sweet Acid Creature". A month later his charred corpse was discovered floating in the Thames near Greenwich. The blackened bones of his fingers were curled into a fist. Inside, detectives discovered a gold sovereign.

The Acrobats

'I'm Dying of the Plague' c/w 'Head Of A Dog'
Released 20th December 1966
DIVE DV565656
Roddy Ginseng (vcls, organ, piano, harpsichord, Harpsichette, spinet, Pianette), Morgan Rapsfield (guitar), Sniffer McKenzie (autoharp), John Manson (bass), Greville Handy (drums, percussion)

The Acrobats, led by multi-instrumentalist Roddy Ginseng, were touted as 'Eastbourne's answer to The Warlock Hobby' and did their best to live up to that flattering soubriquet.

Despite being hampered by a serious lack of financial support from their record company (Dive Records), they were able to record one of the most eerie singles of the 1960s, plus a staggering b-side 'Head Of A Dog'.

'I'm Dying Of The Plague' was recorded in Budgie Studios off Leicester Square in the summer of 1966. The a-side lasted for exactly three minutes, the b-side four minutes and twenty-two seconds, yet, to save money, their record company had only booked them in the studio for two and a half minutes.

It seems impossible now in a world where top groups spend at least six months in the studio just tuning up but ,with the help of engineer Geoff Handsome, The Acrobats rose to the challenge.

Handsome suggested that they spend the first thirty seconds setting up their equipment, which they dutifully did. The remaining two minutes were spent playing one live take of both songs at ten times their normal speed, with Ginseng inhaling helium to sound like a demented chipmunk.

Handsome then slowed the tape down to restore both songs to their original length and speed. The grim, industrial, thudding, slurred result was complimented by Ginseng's vocals - at this new, slow speed his voice sounded relatively normal.

As soon as they'd finished, they realised that they'd produced something that sounded like nothing else on Earth. The single was rush-released in time for the Christmas market and would have immediately hit number one hundred and ten in the pop charts, had the pop charts gone that far at the time.

Two more singles followed: the topical 'I've Got Smallpox' (studio time: one minute, forty-five seconds) and John Manson's notorious 'Why Are You On The Bed, Alice?' (studio time: forty-eight seconds), plus an EP 'The Acrobats Pull You Down' (studio time: thirty seconds)and a stunning album 'Other Gods Speak To Me' (studio time seven minutes, nineteen seconds).

After the latter the group called it a day, exhausted by excessive amphetamine use and helium inhalation. Now living on a farm in Eastbourne, Ginseng sings nursery rhymes to chickens to increase egg laying. Greville Handy was recently suspended from his post as a teacher in a boy's preparatory school, pending further enquiries.

Fez Van Hugle's Poldermen

Fez Van Hugle’s Poldermen
‘Hugle On my Bugle, Dougal’/’When The Saints Go Huglin’ In’ Released 16th June 1960 Melodisc MRS 4517
Fez Van Hugle (Trumpet, Vocals), Sid Hollister (Banjo), John ‘Skins’ Simperton (drums), Lord Harris Tweed (Trombone), Dudley Butterfield (Bass)

For a brief period Dutch trumpeter Fez Van Hugle was the King of British Dixieland jazz. Alongside fellow exponents of the trad jazz style like Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen and Laurence Llewellyn Bowen’s Trad Dads, Fez (real name Thijs) Van Hugle rose to the top thanks to his skills as a hypnotist.

“It’s quite strange but no-one from that period can remember exactly what the band sounded like live”, says Jazz historian Bill Shepherd. “It seems Thijs used the power of hypnotism to create an illusion in the mind of his audience that he was actually talented, when, in fact, he wasn’t”.

At the time, Shirley Harper was a fresh-faced fifteen year old who snuck in to see Thijs at a famous Greek Street dive, The Priest Hole: “I remember the band coming out onto the tiny stage. I’d never heard a banjo before. It was all wild and new to me. Then this strange, tall red-haired man wearing a yellow turban with a flashing light in it walked out and stared at the audience. He told us in a very strong Dutch accent to ‘Focush on de loit’. After that, my mind’s a blank...”

It seems that, while Fez Van Hugle may have mesmerised his audience into believing they were seeing a great show, the British public were less enamoured of the group’s only single ‘Hugle On My Bugle, Dougal’. It failed to chart, due in part to Hugle’s desperate attempt to mimic a Scottish accent.

When the Trad scene faded away during the rise of Merseybeat, Fez Van Hugle moved into cooler domain – trying his hand at bebop. He formed the Van Hugle Heptet. This puzzles historian Bill Shepherd: “The interesting thing about a heptet is that no-one knows what it is. I imagined it was one up or down from a sextet, but apparently not”.

The Green Teens

The Green Teens
"Long Plastic Thing"
Stephen St. Swathes (Lead Vocals, Percussion), Bryan Offyce (Organ, Vocals), Mitch Mood (Lead Guitar, Backing Vocals), Aubrey Watson-Mains (Bass Guitar), John 'Skins' Simperton (Drums)

The Green Teens were British Empire Recording's attempt to create an English version of The Monkees. It was a desperate attempt that ended in failure.

BER's A&R man at the time was Gerald Putney. "The Monkees TV show premiered on NBC in September 1966. I was in Alabama at the time, negotiating a deal with The Four White Men - a local pop group made up of white supremacists. They had a single called 'The White Time Is Now' which we all thought very catchy. But the moment I saw The Monkees, I could smell money. So, on the ship back to England, I put my plans together to create a British version".

Putney sent a telegram informing his boss at BER, Sidney Putney. As soon as his ship docked at Southend, Gerald began putting the group together.

"Stephen (St. Swathes) was working as a barman at The Murky Tavern. We agreed to have drinks at another hip club, so I took him up The Tradesman's and knew I had my first man on board".

Putney's next job was to find the right organist. "Bryan (Offyce) was recommended to me by his music teacher. Bryan was proving something of a prodigy on the organ and this singled him out as a boy I wanted to meet".

The remaining members were found by auditions and word of mouth. Mitch Mood worked in a clothing shop in Chelsea called "Hunkety Parade", Skins Simperton was the best teenage drummer in London and came to the group from Fez Van Hugle's Jazz Heptet, while Aubrey Watson-Mains was Sidney Putney's nephew.

The first rehearsals went swimmingly. Says Gerald: "I seem to recall a lot of high jinx and laughter. Not a song was written, though, and that was probably where it began to go awry".

While The Monkees could call on some of the best music writers of the day like Neil Diamond, Tommy Boyce, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall and Mrs. Mills, Putney turned to a little known songwriter called Norman Putney to provide songs for The Green Teens.

"Norman ran an espresso bar in Seven Dials called The Four Skeins. Every Thursday night was skiffle night. Fridays was Wiffle Night and Saturdays Kafifffle - though they never caught on the way skiffle did. Norman wrote a couple of great skiffle songs - 'Train I Ride (Delayed Due To Signal Problems At Stratford)' and 'My Dad Is East End Scum'. I thought Norman was the guy for the job...He wasn't".

Norman failed to write one decent song for the group. His songs, variously called 'Ooch, Me Hooch', 'Spanner Got Lumps' and 'Johnny, Remember Where I Left My Wallet' were clearly the work of a deranged failure. "We fired Norman...well, in truth, Skins Simperton asked local hard man Cheeky Charles to give him a good going over. It was then that we struck a thin vein of gold. Bryan Offyce wrote 'Long Plastic Thing'".

Offyce takes up the story. "Um, it was just one of those things, really. We'd kind of done mostly covers up to that point and Mr. Putney wanted a sort of original song for the album. So, well, I just thought 'Hey, I suppose I could write a song'. It never crossed my mind that it would be hard! Gosh! And I came up with 'Long Plastic Thing'".

"It was appalling", recalls Putney. "But we were desperate".

Because of their failure as recording artistes, there was no interest from any television companies in Putney's plans for a Green Teens TV series. "One letter I got from Southern Television simply read 'Twat'. I thought that was bit harsh".

St. Swathes went on to form Jamhammer, a glam group, in '72. Skins Simperton, as we all know, achieved great things in Dreft, Temple & Simperton, while Mitch Mood continues to work with Offyce at Offyce Mood Musick in Denmark Street.

Aubrey Watson-Mains went on to run British Empire Recordings after it changed its name to Streetwyse and he signed several extremely violent hip hop groups in the early nineties.

Book Review - 'She Blew His Apples Off!'

Shaun MacInnes Re-Assesses A Vital Epistle From The 'Groovy' 1960s

Perhaps the definitive chronicle of those crazy, rainbow-patterned days of the 1960s is Sophie Pint-Guinness’s autobiography ‘Confessions Of A Pop Group Girl’. Uniquely positioned as London's only Blow Off Girl, Sophie had exclusive insight into the lives and trousers of all the bands on the music scene. It came as no surprise that her book caused a sensation when it was published by Whittle & Harp in 1967.

In 1966, Sophie took a job at The Murky Tavern in Waterloo. It was here that she met many of the stars that she was to blow off over the next eighteen months.

"No-one had thought about blowing groups off before", says Sophie today. "Also, we took more drugs than it was humanly possible to take. A doctor told me that while I was blowing him off".

Although the names of the pop groups and their personnel were changed in her book (see below), most people on the scene saw through the disguise. Pop journalist Vicky Valentine: "There’s a section in the book where Sophie blows off one of ‘The Pox’. When she describes the clothes that he’s wearing, you realise it could only be Dorian Peacock":

Dudley Pimlock from The Pox was my first pull. As my acid-fried brain twisted and turned like a day-glo reverie of paisley, hair and Chelsea boots, I stared at Dudley’s tight buttocks which strained against his purple satin jeans. I pushed him up against the wall and readily unzipped him. "Who are you, you crazy beautiful chick bird?" he said. I removed his black velvet underpants and gave him a blow off.

As a scurrilous journey through the scary worlds of ruinous sex and hard cannabis, this book is difficult to beat. From September 1966 to May 1967, Sophie lived in a tiny one room flat in North Kensington with Billy Pilkington, Terry Quick & Baroque & Roll, The Jumpnuts, The Mona Lisa and Golden Cartwheel:

I was gone hooked on psychedelia by then. The music, the clothes and the drugs, drugs, drugs. Dhave Whavering of Glittering Roundness swaggered into my life and I knew I had to give him a blow off as soon as possible. We ate breakfast while The Snits played, rolled up some fried banana skins and smoked a banger. That night, as I repeatedly gave Dhave blow offs, I saw God in the spectral heaven of the stars. Then I blew him off again. I blew his apples off that night.

The Mona Lisa’s ‘Orange Tits Fly!’ was inspired by an episode when a stoned Billy Pilkington painted Sophie’s naked body a daring, deep orange.

Says Billy today: "It was a crazy scene. We had to sleep on Terry Quick & Baroque & Roll’s harpsichords, I recall. They were bloody uncomfortable! Sophie was a groovy tart and she blew me off before we’d even been formally introduced. One day, she blew off me, Terry Quick, the Mona Lisa and The Jumpnuts in one fantastic acid-bent session lasting until ten-o-clock at night!"

Whenever The Mona Lisa played a gig, Sophie would take all her clothes off, jump down into the audience and blow them all off whether they wanted it or not.

Sophie also had an affair with promiscuous, bisexual, Glaswegian dolly-chanteuse Rebecca English. "As soon as I saw Rebecca", says Sophie. "I knew that I had to blow her off. I plied her with Scotch and Coke for over three days and finally, when she was unconscious, she gave in".

Sophie finally fell in love with Mongo Debussy from Mongo Debussy & The Satans. The book describes this in some detail:

As I blew off Pongo, he spoke to me in the strange, alien language that only he could understand. ‘D’brafni aboobooboo nif regargatarar’ he said to me – and I knew I was in love at last. It was difficult to tell if Pongo felt the same way, however, as he spent most of his time up on the roof, praying to Cph’len’nin’gy. Sometimes, when he was up on the roof, jabbering wildly and making unusual hand movements, I’d climb up there and blow him off.

‘Confessions Of A Pop Group Girl’ Who’s Who!

"I had to make sure no-one could identify the people featured in the book" says Sophie. "So I made up the most unlikely names for everyone so no-one could identify the people featured in the book, whom I had disguised".

· The Pox – The Cocks
· Dudley Pimlock – Dorian Peacock
· Jimmy Chameleon & The Bayploys – James Criterion & The Playboys
· Berry Stick & The Shocked Pole – Terry Quick & Baroque & Roll
· Glittering Roundness– Golden Cartwheel
· Dhave Whavering - David Waymering
· Silly Bilkington – Billy Pilkington
· The Smile – The Mona Lisa
· The Pumpguts – The Jumpnuts
· Blue & Red Druid – Pink & Green Fluid
· The Doctor Watson – The Sheerluck Homes
· Dairy Whippett – Mary Tippett
· Strawberry Mumms – Raspberry Dadds
· Becky Scotland – Rebecca England
· Pisstoher Bones – Christopher Jones
· The Uptights – The Uprights
· Fatkey Halfthetime – Kathy Valentine
· The Stinking Hells – The Tinkerbells
· Pongo Spaghetti & The Vacants – Mongo Debussy & The Satans

Spilt Ink

Spilt Ink
'Bad Woodsman' c/w 'Broken Arms Again'

released September 1st 1969 Bereft Records BRF 008
Humph Berkeley (Lead Vocals, Guitar), Ian Mint (Piano, Vocals), Dingle Camel (Lead Guitar, Trumpet), The Odour (Bass)

Undoubtedly, Spilt Ink's main claim to fame was having the most violent manager in the history of pop music.

At the age of twelve, Cheeky Charles Hampton was abandoned on the streets of Soho because his parents were scared of him."Cheeky worked as a doorman at legendary watering hole, The Tradesman's Club", says pianist Ian Mint. "The club was often empty because members were too petrified to go in. You were OK if Cheeky liked you. Problem was, Cheeky Charles didn't like anybody".

Spilt Ink's booking agent, Donny Hound: "Cheeky clearly thought he had what it took to be a manager", recalls Hound. "His cruel and arrogant manner was combined with an absolute disregard for the morals of society. This marked him out as someone who could be a mover and shaker in the music biz".

Cheeky's first act as manager of Spilt Ink was to assault their drummer, Les Loft. "Cheeky went round to Les's flat to give him a piece of his mind", says Ian Mint. "Les stood up to him, so Cheeky stuffed Les in a wicker basket and kicked it all the way up Ladbroke Grove. Les was scared of picnics for the rest of his days".

Ian Mint is the only surviving member of the band. "Although it ended in a bad way, Cheeky was there for us. He would stand at the side of the stage and scream at the audience to clap, occasionally diving in and whacking anyone who wasn't paying attention".

Despite getting Spilt Ink a lucrative deal with BER Records, the band eventually fell out with Charles. "He basically took all our earnings", says Mint. "I know all managers do this to a certain degree but Cheeky used to steal our clothes and food, too. I developed rickets. When Humph and Dingle asked for some cash to buy potatoes, it all turned a bit sour".

Cheeky was imprisoned for the murder of Humph Berkeley and Dingle Camel. The Odour (bassist John Cunliffe) vanished soon after. "I don't know where The Odour is, though sometimes I think I can smell his presence", says Ian Mint.

Mint joined the short-lived Hump in 1970.

Pink And Green Fluid

Pink And Green Fluid
'You Are Going To Be My Chick' c/w Chili Con Carne Shuffle’ Released April 30th 1967. Snipe Records SNIP0034

Berkeley Urquhart (vocals), Aladdin Gore (spinet, tambourine), Roger Equerry (bass), Emma Pickles (drums, action painting)

'I've got looks that make you sick

And I sure get on your wick

But whether you like it or not little baby
You are going to be my chick'

This sumptuous slice of psych-determinism was recorded in April 1967, nine months after Pink & Green Fluid had called it a day. Singer Berkeley Urquhart (real name Berkley Urquhart) recalls: "We were all so out of it in those days, that we'd completely forgotten that we'd split up and all joined other bands. Considering that we hadnae played together for over a year, it was amazing how the session gelled ".

Enter Andrew 'Lip' Vaughn, the head of Snipe Records in Kensington, who heard an acetate and was immediately impressed by the interplay between spinet and action painting

"Each crashing chord on the spinet was accompanied by a brutal splat of paint onto canvas", says Vaughn today. "I was convinced that listeners to the record - the kids on the street - would be able to actually see the painting that Emma had created. I was horribly wrong. I must have been out of my mind. It sounds like someone intermittently vomiting into a cardboard box".

Despite these production glitches, 'You Are Going To Be My Chick' is a masterpiece of psychedelic mayhem. Urquhart insisted on recording his vocals without listening to the backing track and actually starts singing the first verse somewhere in the middle of the second chorus.

He was hopelessly out of tune, time and space, but the moment that the instrumental backing stops and Urquhart finishes the song on his own qualifies as a brilliant mistake, especially on the fade when we can hear him mutter "What the fuck is going on here?"

The painting was never finished.

Aladdin Gore later joined Toad Of Toad Hell.

The Biscuits

The Biscuits
'(I Want To) Join The Army' c/w 'Squarebashing'
Released 1st November 1968. Wolfsbane WLF 004

Brad McGoohan (vcls, lead kazoo), Tim Coffin (guitar), Oliver Thackeray (Mellotron), Clement St Claverley (sitar), 'Geezer' Coffin (bass), Heinz Lovar (drums)

"The funny thing was…' says Oliver Thackeray today '…that if Brad really had wanted to join the army, it's almost 110% certain that they wouldn't have had him even if there was a war on, which Brad constantly hoped there would be. He liked war, did Brad".

Despite this, The Biscuits were probably the only psych-pop group to be run on a strict, military basis. After answering an advertisement in The Melody Maker for 'Disciplined, Aggressive, Amoral Musicians', Thackeray, like all recruits to The Biscuits, was forced to undergo physical training and faced hours and hours of McGoohan screaming in his face.

He was also kitted out in The Biscuits' official nazi inspired military uniform and each member of the group had to be able to totally disassemble his instrument in the dark and then put it back together again. This often caused problems.

Thackeray again : "Taking my Mellotron apart in the dark was a bit of a hassle. The bloody thing was a liability to play live in the first place, but after I'd stripped it down to its seven hundred and thirteen component parts and then attempted to reassemble it without a screwdriver, it was an expensive piece of junk, basically. All I could get out of it was a noise like a dying herd of cattle, which Brad liked of course".

Strangely, The Biscuits' sound was a gentle, swimmy affair and their only album, 'The Lapping Of Red Waves' gained them quite a following amongst the hippies of the day. At the time, McGoohan made sure that all drinks served at any venue they played were laced with LSD and then the group (without McGoohan) would take the stage and play quiet, jazzy improvisations, lulling the hippies into a false sense of security.

When McGoohan judged that the time was right he would charge onto the stage, kazoo in mouth, and fire round after round of noisy blanks into the terrified crowd from a replica Mauser pistol, while screaming "War has broken out! War is here at last! We're all going to die!"

Says Thackeray : "To say that this 'freaked out' the audience would be an understatement, believe me! Sometimes he'd do the same thing but dressed as The Devil. Eventually, people stopped coming to our gigs, the record company dumped us and Brad became a Moonie. It was a relief, in a way. At least we didn't all have to get up at three-fifteen in the morning and run around The Kings' Road in full kit any more".

'(I Want To) Join The Army' only made the charts in Japan but its jingoistic lyrics, aggressive kazoo playing and groaning, ruined Mellotron give it a nightmarish quality, which remains popular with pysch enthusiasts and younger members of the armed forces.

Golden Cartwheel

Golden Cartwheel
'The Bleat of My Voice' c/w 'The Girl In The Fish & Chip Shop'. Released September 19th 1967. Eltham Records ELTH 9016439

David Waymering (Lead Vocals, Lead Guitar, Lead Organ, Lead Sitar, Lead Percussion, Backing Vocals), Mick Belcher (Bass), Kenneth Frutt (Drums), Sam Bent (Saxophone, Flute)

The story of this legendary psych group begins with Jeff Pheasant and the Feathers. Original bass player Mick Belcher: "We were one of a number of beat groups playing clubs in England and Hamburg. We were managed by Colin Smotherton. He came from posh farming stock. He had a few bands - The Beaks, Wayne Wicked & The Wattles - but Colin's main interest was alcohol".

Singer Jeff Pheasant was fired after a now legendary incident involving a groupie and a fish.

Mick Belcher: "We'd been playing a gig in Stoke-on-Trent and ended up at a tatty B&B overlooking a canal. Jeff had brought a couple of girls back for a bit of fun. He was a keen angler and so he decides to go fishing out the B&B window. After a couple of bottles of Double Diamond he gets a catch! Reels in a sick looking trout. Jeff's about to chuck it back when one of the women grabs it and stuffs it down her drawers for a laugh. That's when the landlady walks in".

Following the arrest of Pheasant, Smotherton placed an ad in Melody Maker for a new singer. "I saw the ad for 'Good looking musical genius' and it sounded exactly like me", says David Waymering. From his beachfront massage tent in Goa Waymering recalls that: "The Feathers were four thick lads from Derby. Colin realised they needed an inspirational leader to take them to the next level. And that was I".

Waymering's first move to was to change the group name to Golden Cartwheel. "It combined farming with the colour of my aura", says Waymering.

At Colin Smotherton's suggestion, Waymering and the band repaired to an old cottage on land owned by the Smotherton family. "There was no electricity, no running water and no furniture", remembers Belcher. " It was really, really horrible".

Waymering had great ambitions for his band. "I was creating completely original adventures in time and space. Majestic sounds, the music of stars and galaxies. I took those boys from Derby into my spaceship of adventure and they were my willing crew on an exploration of a new psychedelic universe".

Mick Belcher sees it slightly differently: "Colin and 'David' wanted to make a fast buck by leaping on the flower power bandwagon and riding it for as long as they could".

The band eventually had enough material to present to Eltham Records' A& R guru Guy Jones. Jones visited the band at their country retreat. "I was blown away, both by the music and the smell", says Jones. "There were farm animals in the kitchen. I found some chicken droppings in my coffee. But when they started playing - those funky keyboards, the dreamy flute, the zitherotron - it sent shivers up my back. Once I got over the eColi I signed them".

The band released a small batch of singles. The most successful was 'The Bleat of My Voice', which reached number 47 in the Pop Chart, despite being a spelling mistake.

"I was livid", says Waymering. "The title was 'The Beat of My Voice'. I refused to speak to anyone for four months".

Mick Belcher: "David went off in a huff so the rest of us formed The Thing and never looked back. Thirteen top ten hits, thank you very much". Does Belcher have any regrets? "Yes. When my accountant went through the paperwork for that period he found Smotherton had charged us rent for that poxy cottage..."

Though never as successful as The Thing, David Waymering still releases MP3s of chill out music as part of his work in Holistic Aztec Medicine and Organic Massage.

GOLDEN CARTWHEEL UK COLLECTABLES
ELTHAM ELTH 6745678 Prismic Kinship/Behold, It's Me (1967)....................................................40
ELTHAM ELTH 6745727 My World Is My Whole/Quintilliance (1967)............................................30
ELTHAM ELTH 6845734 The Bleat Of My Voice/Coddled Gold (1968) (with p/s)........................25/35
ELTHAM ELTLP 56438 Majestic Mind Man (LP, red rim label with bald shrew logo 1968)...........175

DAVID WAYMERING SOLO COLLECTABLES
WAYMERING WAY01 A FEAST OF ME (Foldout sleeve with photos of David 1969)........................6

THE THING COLLECTABLES
ELTHAM 6845786 Baby Smell Good/He's A Bloke (1968) (mono/stereo)..........................75/50
ELTHAM 6945588 Ee Ah Oh Oo Lu Lu/Skoolgurl, No! (1969) (banned pic slee..................50/80
ELTHAM 6945601 Wiggle It/Wiggle It Agane (1969)...............................................................45

Lucille

Lucille
'Let Me Be Your Plaything' c/w 'I Submit To Thee, My Lord and Master'
Released 23rd June 1967. Immediate IMS 0234

"I'll do anything you want me too,
I'll swallow up the stars,
If you let me be your plaything,

I'll take us both to Mars"

Lucille had been a waitress in The Belles Bottom Cafe in Denmark Street and, due to her habit of singing to herself as she waited on tables, she was discovered by producer Mickey Smacke. Says Mickey today : "She was a lovely looking, blonde, big chested chick with a terrible voice but I knew that with the right song we could plug that gap in the market for a psychedelic dolly bird type". 'Let Me Be Your Plaything' was to be her first single and, sadly, her last.

Mickey again : "We hired Pop Sounds Studio in Tottenham Court Road and brought in the boys from Terry Quick & Baroque & Roll to do the backing. This song needed a sprinkling of fairy dust and I reckoned that massed harpsichords would do the trick.

"The session went really well and Lucille had obviously taken a shine to Jimmy Pilgrim, who was a good looking, handsome, sexy boy with a great body. Not too much hair. Very firm chest". As the group were packing up their gear, Lucille was sitting on a window ledge and casually asked Jimmy if they might see each other again.

Recalls Mickey: "Jimmy turned around to reply and knocked Lucille clean out the window with his virginal. Three floors. Bam. She was dead before she hit the ground".

"Jimmy was really upset, obviously", says Mickey. "So, after he'd packed his gear away he went down to have a look to see if he could help, but by that time it was too late. Jimmy had hoped that one day they might be married, but obviously, seeing as he'd knocked her out a window, it wasn't to be".

One good thing did come out of this tragedy, though. Terry Quick was so impressed with the backing track he and his group had laid down, that they later wiped Lucille's vocal track and released it as an instrumental entitled 'Lucille Has Gone Away' on the b-side of their third single 'Brown Drinks'.

Clap In Irons

Clap In Irons
'Pale Pale Legs' c/w 'Point At Some Flutes, Sandra'
Released February 12th 1975. KITSCH 'N' SYNCH KICKS 00294
Duffy Marchant (Vocals, Drums), Maynard "Wheels" Kent (Keyboards), Mazz Mansfield (Bass), Bernie Mumbles (Guitar), Bob Chard (Guitar)

Clap In Irons was the first and only Seventies pub rock band comprised entirely of people with disabilities. Confronting society's prejudices in the most courageous and direct way possible, the members of Clap In Irons wore their disabilities as badges of pride.

Maynard Kent had been playing pubs round Maidstone with a Farfisa organ strapped to the top of his wheelchair. "He played a lot of Mose Allison numbers", remembers his son, Truth. "He'd hare round the stage doing spins. Pints and customers went flying. It was wild".

While at Deptford Art School Kent teamed up with Duffy Marchant, a bearded sculpture student and drummer with no hands. “Duffy had two hooks - with a drumstick in each”, recalls Truth.

Mazz Mansfield was generally considered to be the best bass player in the area. Having contracted polio as a child, Mazz was only four foot five. His boyish good looks and blue jumper meant he was often mistaken for an old-fashioned charity money bank. Says Mazz: "Because of my intermittent narcolepsy I'd sometimes fall asleep at bus stops and the like. People would try to put coins into the top of my head".

Bernie Mumbles made up the first incarnation of Clap In Irons. Mumbles was a Welsh alcoholic. He was also blind and had a stammer. "It never held him back though", says Mazz. “He claimed seven different kinds of benefit and bought a Jag. He used to drive it around Greenwich. Never had an accident”.

With the nucleus of Clap In Irons in place, Kent and Marchant decided that an additional guitarist would help fill out their unique sound. "The only problem was we couldn't find any more disabled people in the area that could play well", admits Mansfield. "We tried out a bloke with toes for thumbs but the magic wasn't there".

The band decided to remain a four piece until, quite by accident, they stumbled across Bob Chard. "Bob was perfect. He had three arms. Me and the boys had gone up to the fairground on Grove Common and they had a sideshow called 'The Human Octopus'".

"It wasn't really an extra arm - it was a small fleshy protrusion", says Chard. "But it got me work at the circus and then in Clap In Irons. You've got to make things like that work for you, haven't you?"

With Chard on board the five piece, eleven-armed band hit the road. Their popularity on the pub rock circuit got them a record contract with Kitsch 'n' Zinc records. Their first single was 'Pale, Pale Legs', a love song which Maynard Kent had written about his immobile lower limbs.

"For a while we ruled the roost and packed out pubs everywhere", remembers Chard. "People saw beyond our supposed afflictions and constant inebriation and really dug our tunes".

An album 'Roomful of Raspberries' followed, but it marked the end of an era for the band. "’Roomful' sold fairly well and this meant that I could afford to fly to LA to have my third arm removed", admits Chard. "Unfortunately, the rest of the guys didn't think much of this. Maynard ran over my feet with his wheelchair. We never spoke again".

Amethyst Arcade

Amethyst Arcade
'The Soul of Jeremiah Westmacott' c/w 'Galliard's Empty House'
Released 17th May 1967. Polydor 8291898

Dominic Bartholomew-Aphyd (vcls, aesthetics), Francis Drummond (lute), Jethro Pike (acoustic bass), Piers Tambourlaine (viol)

If there's one word that summed up the music and ethos of Amethyst Arcade, it would have to be 'gentle'.

The group formed from the ashes of Rob Petrie & The Dishmen when Bartholomew-Aphyd and Tambourlaine quit in November '65 after realising that the vulgar sound of Petrie's amplified electric guitar quite upset them.

It often reduced Bartholomew-Aphyd to uncontrollable bouts of weeping.After recruiting Francis Drummond, a talented songwriter and watercolourist, Amethyst Arcade embarked on an effete crusade of gentleness, which eventually led to them totally dispensing with the playing of popular music onstage.

Their gigs would usually be quiet, relaxed affairs, the silence only occasionally broken by acoustic bass player Jethro Pike allowing himself the luxury of a pinch of snuff.
Bartholomew-Aphyd would sit in an Elizabethan resting chair and immerse himself in thoughts of ancient Greece, while Drummond would work on a pleasant watercolour, often featuring a naked, teenage girl admiring an Etruscan vase, while being softly licked by a faun.

Tambourlaine would usually take a light nap or read a book about fly-fishing. Sometimes he would make a pot of weak Earl Grey tea.The climax of their performances would often consist of Bartholomew-Aphyd kneeling down to present a member of the audience with a collection of kestrel's eggs, resting on Egyptian cotton wool and displayed in an ermine box.

This was plainly no ordinary pop group.This routine varied from gig to gig, however. Sometimes, Drummond would play several shimmering notes on his lute, an occurrence that would frequently cause Francis Tambourlaine to collapse into a dead faint. He would then be carried from the stage on an antique Venetian collapsing bed. Bartholomew-Aphyd would be moved to utter a few verses of poetry in his barely audible gasp of a voice. It was as if the very act of moving his lips caused him a fantastic, limpid exhaustion that few of us ordinary mortals could appreciate.It was therefore unfortunate for this most sensitive of groups that they were usually booked to appear at working men's clubs in the North East of England.

This eventually presented insurmountable problems for Amethyst Arcade and they eventually parted company after many tearful fare-thee-wells and bye-thee-byes on a misty day in the autumn of 1967.They did leave us, however, with an enchanting, if rather long (11' 27") single. 'The Soul Of Jeremiah Westmacott' begins with a seven-minute expostulation on Piers Tambourlaine's viol, which attempts to illustrate fourteen conflicting emotions simultaneously.

Gradually, after a single note from Pike's muted acoustic bass (he was not to play another note on the song), we can hear Bartholomew-Aphyd's asphyxiated, sibilant voice enunciate:

'The Soul Of Jeremiah Westmacott,

Like a falling leaf in the dreams of an elf,

I inspect a woodbine - or is it an eyebright?

Gently breathing on my shoulder

A horse's breath

HumbleRich with honey

Velvet Ivy on a gravestone

Shall I make tea now, Sebastian?'

I think that says it all.

Mongo Debussy & The Satans

Mongo Debussy & The Satans
'Vueepo D’Merthmai’ia’ c/w 'Yit'

Released 27th May 1967. Pye 7N989453
Mongo Debussy (vcls, harp), Bjorn Caine (nose flute), Gervaise Hockney (drum), Stan Rivet (guitar), ‘Monkey’ Mann (bass), Jimmy Andrews (dancing)

"I first met Mongo Debussy in St Paul’s Public School", says Gervaise Hockney, now a top showbusiness lawyer. "He was my fag and, as I was beating his buttocks with a cane one day, he noticed that I had a good sense of rhythm and abjured me to join The Satans". And the rest, as they say, is history.

Six years later, Mongo Debussy & The Satans were one of the foremost psych-pop bands on the groovy scene, frightening audiences with their deranged brand of drug-soaked imbecility.

Debussy was one of the earliest experimenters with LSD and it was during this period in his life that he was visited by an entity he only referred to as ‘The Thing’, which commanded him to not only form The Satans, but also create an inter and intra-universal language that could be understood by people from other planets. The result was ‘D’peepuigg’, the language in which their second single ‘Vueepo D’Merthmai’ia’ is sung.

In case you’re wondering quite what is being sung on this marvellous number, here, for the first time, are the lyrics in full:


‘Frrrprrr’ni b’ylmnmnmnmnprorf’wi hi
Ag’ryrthmog ‘fn pgarrripnfoma’a
Qithk m’apnu brbrbr!
Amhtokorrrim’I pi o’kg nem fudd
Vueepo D’Merthmai’ia
Vueepo D’Merthmai’ia
Crit n’I blu’euirk er bzln’ia’ia!

Listeners new to this sort of material will be astonished by Debussy’s almost unbelievable vocal range – the four-octave leap he makes while singing the word ‘Vueepo’ has had musicologists arguing for years over whether such a thing was possible.

Hockney again : "Mongo had an eleven octave vocal range – there were no tricks used in the studio to create that vocal swoop – the technology wasn’t up to it even if we’d wanted to fake it. It was all Mongo".

With phased harp and nose flute dominating the mix, the number is still a favourite in Japan. However, neither Hockney nor the rest of the band had any idea what the song was about.

"Mongo simply refused to discuss it and that was that", says Hockney. "He was out of his mind by that time, basically". After the recording session was finished, Debussy walked out of the studio to buy a new hat and was never seen again.

For more details of his mental state at this time, you should get hold of a copy of Sophie Pint-Guinness’s autobiography ‘Confessions Of A Pop Group Girl’, which details Mongo’s breakdown.

Church Gathering

Church Gathering
'Teeth' c/w 'Jennifer Smells'
Released 19th May 1967. ARC AN 4199
Spencer Charles (Lead Vocals), Kevin Gabriel (Lead Guitar, Sitar), Oliver Marchbanks (Bass Guitar, Chimes), Peter Korda (Harp, Tenor Sax, Tabla), Geoffrey Tollington (Percussion, Paintings)

The five members met at Canterbury Choir School in 1962 where they formed Jackie James & The Rockerberries. After three years pretending they were The Shadows, the group hit the London club scene as The Modonauts, having a small hit with 'If You're So Rich, Buy Me Pills' on the Clutch label before pupating into the legendary psychedelic group Church Gathering in '67.

The group claimed to be amongst the first to take acid in the UK. "Peter Korda had been to California where his father owned a small town", remembers Geoff Tollington. "He left us a Mod and came back with flowers in his hair. We thought he'd fallen over in a florists or something, but it was down to the acid and West Coast vibes. He had a washbag full of the best Owsley acid. Within a week, the Mod suits were in the dustbin and most of us were walking around Chelsea wearing tie-dyed sheets and finger cymbals".

The group proceeded to gather together as many unusual instruments as possible. "I was so high, I tried playing a tree", says Peter Korda. "But it was impossible to tune. Instead, I stuck to harp, tabla, the occcaroon, muslin harmonium and a selection of gamelan nockotinas".

While the band created long, Indian inspired improvised dirges, Tollington would paint psychedelic canvasses on the floor of the group's Kensington squat. "It wasn't strictly a squat as Kevin Gabriel's dad owned the property. But it wasn't cool to have money. I had to open my Coutts bank account in a different name."

Tollington, who is now one of the country's most respected gallery owners, has a huge collection of memorabilia relating to Church Gathering. "I have posters that are now worth several thousand pounds, and the original vinyl copies of our album 'Body of The Common Man' are worth three hundred pounds each. I keep things ticking over on Ebay. It helps finance the wine collection and keeps me in meals at The Waterside Inn!"

Ollie Marchbanks joined the short-lived Hump in 1970.

Vince Twizz & The Twizzmen

Vince Twizz & The Twizzmen
'Dance With Me, Madam' c/w 'Yellow Influence'
Released 1st May 1967. Special Records SPR 6795
Vince Twizz (vcls, marracas), Norbert Stem (guitar, dancing), Rustrum Hornblower (electric harpsichette), Jim 'Jimmy' James (bass), Rupert Burdett-Coots (drums), Darwin Pardew (zitherotron, whispy stick)

It was in Abbey Road Studios in the winter of 1966 that Vince Twizz & The Twizzmen changed the face of popular music and re-invented psychedelia.

"Vince had written this great song about asking a bird to dance and then when she said 'Yes', just walking away", says Harpsichette player Rustrum Hornblower. "We decided to record it in the most adventurous way possible. For a start, every single instrument was backwards. We turned the tape over and it sounded great. The whole song was obviously in reverse as well, but that didn't deter Twizzy".

Vince Twizz proceeded to improvise a whole new melody against the now nonsensical backing track.

When it came to the mixing, Vince insisted that every instrument and vocal track be on the left side of the stereo picture. This was to be their first stereo single and Vince wanted to impress.

"It was an experiment in sound", says Rustrum. "Unfortunately, EMI thought it sounded beyond terrible and refused to release it".

But help was at hand. Sir Spike Tetherington-Lewis, the alcoholic chairman of EMI, listened to the song and was impressed by the way that the empty right channel allowed him space to think of other things. 'Dance With Me, Madam' was finally released on the first of January 1967 and sank without trace. "

Terry Quick's Baroque & Roll

Terry Quick's Baroque & Roll
'Memories of Gauguin' c/w 'Drop A Love Bomb On My Head'. Released 8th July 1967. DETONATE DT111

Terry Quick (vocals, harpsichord), Barnaby Fagin (harpsichord), Steve Maguire (harpsichord), Steve Newland (clavichord), Jimmy Pilgrim (virginal & maracas)

When it came to unusual line-ups, Terry Quick & Baroque & Roll certainly took the lysergic biscuit.

With three (count 'em) harpsichordists, a clavichord player and another member who doubled on marracas and virginal, their sound was once described by Anthony Hepburn of The Tinkerbells as "ten thousand escaped lunatics attacking the inside of a piano with sledgehammers", and it would be hard to disagree.

Add to this bizarre musical cocktail the high-pitched, manic vocals of Terry Quick and you have a unique, exciting sound that, nevertheless, managed to avoid troubling the charts.

'Memories Of Gauguin' has the singer giving advice to the French post-impressionist as he lies dying in his gaily-painted hammock in Hawaii. This advice, to 'Get up, get a girl and start painting again', would probably not have been heeded by the artist, but the resultant sonic cacophony would certainly had made him spin in his grave, had he been dead at the time.

Quick and his cohorts were much in demand as session musicians, given the then vogue for harpsichords, but after several tragic episodes involving the group (see Susan McDaniels, Brigitte Stamp, Art Fry and Lucille), the music industry started to back away from them in fear and they split in the autumn of 1967.

Pim Keats

Pim Keats
"Listen To The Voices Of The Void"
Pim Keats (Guitar, Vocals)

Marlborough student, reader of runes, artist, cricketer, philosopher, model, mathematician and poet, Prometheus Hemmingsley Mather Keats-Wondering was the greatest folk guitarist of his generation.

Keats was born in Rangoon. His mother, a delightful actress and painter named Emily, returned to England with the infant Prometheus after his father Lord Poseidon Keats-Wondering died during a particularly strenuous meal.

Keats was placed at Marlborough where his talents brought him to the attention of Headmaster Norris McWhirrter. "Pim was good at everything. He excelled in all disciplines. This lead to him being universally loathed by both his peers and teachers".

The raven-haired Keats went up to Oxford, driving there in a car he built himself. In the back seat, a Martin guitar given to him by his devoted mother. Within weeks Keats had mastered the instrument, writing touching folk ballads in complex tunings and time signatures. "I invented several tunings of my own", Keats revealed at the time. "Including the very complex E, G, E, G, B, K, B, D# tuning".

Despite having only played once for friends in the college refectory, young American producer Palmer Butter immediately signed Keats to his Wicked Wimple label. "I gave Pim complete control of his publishing and a majority share of all profits. He was so gifted it would have been a crime not to".

Keats' first album, 'Tree of Bruised Leaves', featured the cream of the British folk scene - Bryn Featherman, John 'Crumps' Crumplingham, Diddy Stack, Shelley Gosh, Anthony Worrell-Thompson, Speedy Trickleton and Keith Strangle.

But the album was not a success. His songs moved one critic to describe the album as "a collection of dreary folk ballads by a gravelly-voiced public school ponce".

For the first time in his life Keats was faced with failure. "Up to that point he was better at everything than anyone else around him", says Butter. "Despite his amazing playing and singing, the album only sold one hundred and fifty seven copies. Ithink most of them were bought by his mother".

Despite this setback Keats travelled to Dusty Ivy's Trout Tickle studios in Wiltshire to record his second album, 'Death Is On My Footpath'.

"No-one realised Pim was suffering from a very deep depression", says Ivy. "It was only when we recorded 'I Shall Soon Take My Life' that I even had an inkling. He told me he was a bit 'fed up' and 'cheesed off' with it all. He even kicked my dog, which was a bit rum".

Keats attempted suicide in 1974, just four years after the release of the psychedelic-tinged 'Listen To the Voices of The Void'...

However, it turned out that suicide was something else Keats wasn't terribly good at. "I tried throwing myself off Hammersmith Bridge but fell onto a passing longboat carrying mattresses to the Harrod's Depository", says Keats.

"As I lay there, bobbing down the Thames on an extremely well made pocket-sprung mattress, I realised I should give up making records and stick to things I knew I could do extremely well".

Keats became the managing director of a small company involved in high-risk technology. "Basically, I got into computers and became rather successful at it".

Pim Keats received an MBE for services to British Industry in 1987. A major contributor to the Tory Party, he has since gone on to fund several Internet launches, including Google, and his many companies are involved in the production of leisurewear, mobile phones, armaments and computers.

SINGLES
BUTTER DISCS CUP76 ' Listen To the Voices of the Void'
BUTTER DISCS CUP 78 'Shed Of Sorrow'
BUTTER DISCS CUP 714 'Mournful Moonglow'
BUTTERTONE LOFAT CDS 3 'Listen To The Voices of the Void (Arthur Baker remix)'

ALBUMS
BUTTER DISCS SPREAD 5 'Tree Of Bruised Leaves'
BUTTER DISCS SPREAD 14 'Death Is On My Footpath'
BUTTERTONE LOFAT CD6 'Wreck Of the Desperates' (Best Of 3 CD box set)

Bombay Feeling

Bombay Feeling
'Experiment With My Love' c/w 'The Swastika & The Lily'
Released October 27th 1967. BER MM69
Simon Children (Lead Vocals, Harp, Assorted Fruit), Cadenza (Gyrations)

"I wanted our work to be a series of art events, eschewing all traditional forms of music performance. I demanded the unexpected". This was the theory behind Simon Children's 'Bombay Feeling', legendary for their Artfreakertainments - if not their music.

The group contained a rolling cast of thirty different hippy musicians, each instructed by Simon to only turn up if they felt the vibes were right. "This meant that, some nights, we'd have twenty seven hairies wailing and freaking, while on others there would just be me and a roadie", says Children. "But that was cool. I'd strip off, stand in a bucket and rub myself with warmed honey. I would recite one of my tone poems while my roadie hit the side of the bucket with his belt".

A key member of Bombay Feeling was dancer Cadenza. This exotic, full-chested Asian beauty would gyrate like an epileptic on speed - which she was - as Children threw pieces of fruit at a full size harp. Sometimes he would set fire to the harp "to make it sound better".

Children took his unorthodox performance methods into the recording studio with disastrous results. "The first session at Trout Tickle Studios was a shambles because I issued an edict that no-one should turn up. I imagined music could be created out of space and machine with no human intervention. I am sure it would have worked, but there was no one there to press the record button on the tape deck".

The second session was more successful. Children and his troop of art freaks assembled at Denmark Street's Pop Sounds under the direction of hit producer Mickey Smacke. "There were thirty two people and a burnt harp crammed into a studio fifteen foot by eleven", remembers Smacke. "They had one guitar and a rusty harmonica which they took turns playing. Children sang over the top, hitting his harp while dressed as a silkworm".

The resulting single, 'Experiment With My Love' became a minor hit in Germany. An album 'Exploding Distance Woman/Chronophasm Palladium Man' was never released after Gerald Putney of BER described it as "the sound of some lunatic hitting the side of a bucket with a belt for half an hour" - which it was.

The Mercenaries

The Mercenaries
'Dr Witherspoon's Scent Organ' c/w 'Cordon Bleu Girl'
Released August 1967. Parlophone POP 4343
Ray Green (vcls, guitar), Peter Henrit (clarinet), Garfield Gimble (not pictured. Organ), Rick Whitney-Stoops (bass) Guy Jones (drums)

An organ that emits a different exotic scent for each note played was hardly a new idea in 1967, but Manchester's The Mercenaries were the first band to try and incorporate this tricky concept into a pop song.

"None of us played the organ", said clarinettist Pete Henrit at the time. "But we thought that if we created enough different smells in the studio - and concentrated hard enough when we played - then the listener at home would be able to smell those smells emitting from Dr Weatherspoon's Scent Organ. Could such a thing be built? I don't know. It's only a song".

A quick glance at the group's lineup, however, will reveal that the band did have an organist. Having said that, it's quite possible that none of the band played on this record at all, given the fact that they were playing a gig in Pontefract on the day that studio records show it was recorded.

"Now you mention it", says Henrit, "I don't remember ever recording this song. I think it might have been James Criterion & The Playboys that did it. In fact, I don't remember ever being in a recording studio or even being signed to a record company. It's a bit of a mystery! Who wrote that song? D'you know?"

Incidentally, organist Garfield Gimble was the brother of Guy Gimble who played descant recorder with The Tinkerbells.

Peter Henritt joined the short-lived Hump in 1970.