The Uprights

THE UPRIGHTS

"Margaret’s Hair" c/w “Awkward Uncle Barry”

Released January 20^th 1968

Eltham Records  Elth 4536    
             

Dermot McGinnels (Vocals), Francis Hut (Piano), Graham Wilshire (Bass), Anthony Grade (Guitar), The Cloak (Ouija Board).

Above is a rare picture of The Uprights, taken on the day their contract was torn up in front of them by Chairman of Eltham Records, Sir James “James” James.

After the photo was taken three of the band leapt to their deaths from the bridge on which they are standing.

We here at ROCK’N’POPOPEDIA often find ourselves relaying rather sad stories of bands that didn’t quiet make it, or who broke up under distressing circumstances (for example, The Bluebellerelles, a close harmony girl group who shot each other in a bizarre four way suicide pact). But the story of The Uprights is one of the strangest of all.

The band met in a psychiatric unit where musical therapy was used to help those suffering from rare mental conditions. Anthony Grade was convinced he was his own grandfather, refusing to acknowledge the invention of electricity. Dermot McGinnels, who spoke with a strong Irish brogue, was actually an Egyptian sailor called Mahmood. Transsexual Francis Hut was incapable of using vowels. Graham Wilshire believed his hands were made of grass and The Cloak (his real name remains a mystery to this very day, but it is believed to be The Cloak) was a spirit medium with a fear of ghosts.

This did not bode well for the formation of a pop beat group. Nevertheless, under the guidance of their psychiatrist, Professor Gertrude Strumpfel, the boys in therapy began to write tunes, including ‘My Hands Are Made Of Grass’, ‘You Can Call Me Grandfather’, ‘A Knock-Kneed Coleen from Cairo’, ‘Th Frst Tm Vr Sw Y’ and ‘Shit, Was That A Ghost?’.

Using instruments supplied by the unit, and rehearsing in front of fellow patients, the band grew confident enough to choose a name, The Uprights, and search for a record deal. In a moment of supreme weakness, brought on by a 48 hour opium bender, Eltham Records A&R halfwit Harrington Recollects signed the band. “I knew it would be a disaster but then we need chaos in the music business”, remembers Recollects. “How else could we get attention? They weren’t going to impress anyone with their musicianship. A man who thinks his hands are made of grass is not going to be very good at a blues scale in D”.

Recollects took his deranged charges into Uppington Studios on Lower Street on the North side of the Westway in East Ham. At least he would have if they had not become completely disorientated by the traffic directions. In the end Recollects had to use Mongo Debussy’s mobile studio and record the band in their psychiatric unit.

This pumping piece of late Sixties pop is a plea for a girl called Margaret not to cut her hair.

‘Margaret, your hair/Is over there/On your head/Where it looks fair/Not on the bed or a chair/Nurse, I think my hands are made of grass’

“Not the best lyrics I ever heard”, recollects Recollects. “But they were written by five madmen”.

The band managed to record a second song ‘Awkward Uncle Barry’ before the sedatives kicked in. “It’s best not to dwell on the lyrical content of that one”, Recollects recalls. “The police were called in”.

On hearing the single Sir James “James” James confronted the band on Waterloo Bridge during a photo shoot. The rest is history.

The surviving members, Graham Wilshire and Anthony Grade, cousin of Michael, returned to their home town of Ringwood. Here, while living in a commune of artists, bakers and medically certified lunatics, they put together Caveat.

CAVEAT "A BAKERY AT ST.PETER'S"

Side One

1. Mobile Flour Mill

2. Caw Caw, The Wheat

3. Last Crumbs of Comfort

4. Flour Grading Blues

Side Two

1. The Pestle Suite

a) Overture

b) Shellings

c) Grind On

d) The Pestle Breaks

e) New Pestle Purchase

"A tantalising, mesmeric symphony of sounds, THE PESTLE SUITE is a triumph of complex time signatures, synthesized saxophones and the noises of the flour mill. It is Graham Wilshire's masterwork, right up there with his best composition for The Uprights, 'My Broken Frenulum' ".  MELODY MAKER

Following this review, Wilshire suddenly left the commune.  "The Maker review went to his head", says Anthony Grade, now a grandfather who believes he is his own nephew. "Also, Graham was servicing the flour grinder's old lady. It was very messy for a while. Dough everywhere. After Graham left I enjoyed the simple life of making bread, as opposed to being a bread head. I opened a breakfast bar specialising in wholemeal baps in '76 and never looked back".